I'm going to reboot my project a bit.
I didn't do my due diligence and I want to showcase how it really should be done. I failed to take the time to really inventory what I have because I already know what I have. But to be fair to this blogging project I shouldn't assume that I do.
So with my HP Microserver HyperV box at the ready we're going to roll back to where I started (kids don't do this on a production network - one should restore not cheat and use the HyperV snapshot (or whatever they decided to call it in R2 these days)
And then we're going to follow THIS documentation -- http://www.msexchange.org/articles-tutorials/exchange-server-2013/migration-deployment/planning-and-migrating-small-organization-exchange-2007-2013-part5.html
Not the Microsoft one.
Stay tuned as we begin again.